


Never Together (But Close Sometimes)

by MandaDVM



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-29
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 05:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandaDVM/pseuds/MandaDVM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The smile he offered was cautious and maybe a little sad, so different from his usual vibrancy that it was almost offensive, but the other man took it for what it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Together (But Close Sometimes)

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. I used the names of real people without permission. I do not in any way mean to imply that any of the events in this story actually happened. This was unbeta'd so all mistakes are purely mine.

The door opened slowly, hesitantly spilling its light into the room and onto the lone figure that lounged on the bed, book open and neglected beside him. His eyes darted immediately to the door, tense muscles relaxing as soon as he recognized the intruder. The smile he offered was cautious and maybe a little sad, so different from his usual vibrancy that it was almost offensive, but the other man took it for what it was and slipped into the dimly lit bedroom, allowing the door to click shut behind him.

Adam didn’t budge from his position but his body began to tense again as his friend stood by the door, fidgeting nervously but otherwise unmoving. Alarm bells were clanging in his head, spreading an unpleasant warmth through his body, making his nerves tingle and squirm beneath his skin. Several moments passed in uncomfortable silence; he could only take so much of this before he broke the stillness like a promise he had never intended to keep.

“Tommy?” he questioned, his soft voice sounding too loud in the mute of the room.

Tommy started, quivering almost unnoticeably – almost – and then started walking toward the bed, crawling onto it and curling up close to Adam, head on the larger man’s chest and his hand sitting tensely on his stomach, gently kneading and stroking skin through the fabric of his shirt. Adam’s arms came around instinctively to hold the blonde close in a warm embrace, a much more appreciated sort of heat radiating between them, allowing both to relax just a little, basking in the glow of one another.

Several long minutes passed like this, Adam’s hand stroking down Tommy’s back, more to comfort himself than his friend.

Finally, Tommy spoke.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” His voice was soft, hesitant, and maybe a little bit nervous; there was a tremor beneath the forced-calm that sparked Adam’s nerves again, so unused to his friend’s skittish behavior. He blamed himself, really, and that, more than anything else, might have been what made the situation so damn painful. “About everything, you know, between us. About what you said.”

Ah.

Adam knew exactly what he was talking about, though he kind of wished he didn’t. A few days earlier Adam had snapped at Tommy, finally letting loose everything that he had wanted to say for months – he had said horrible, honest things about how much he loves Tommy and how unfair it was to keep teasing him like this, flirting and kissing and refusing to let it go any further. A few tears had been shed and Tommy hadn’t said a single word throughout the entire exchange, his expression a combination of hurt and fear and anger and assent.

When Adam had finally run out of things to say, Tommy had simply nodded and left, his heart in his throat, blocking the words that were begging for release.

“You were right, you know,” he continued, bring Adam back to the present, to the small man pressed so sweetly against his side. “About everything. And it really wasn’t fair to you.”

He shifted, pulling back a little to look Adam in the eyes, baring his soul for all it was worth, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. He pursed his lips a little, his resolve hardening, and he leaned forward to press his lips to Adam’s, a barely-there brush that spoke volumes. Adam felt his heart lighten at the touch.

“I love you,” Tommy whispered, eyes glimmering honestly, “I don’t know what it means, or how this will work, but I love you, Adam. I’m not—I don’t—”

He looked away, fists clenching in the fabric of Adam’s shirt.

“I’ve never really been exclusively straight, you know, I’ve been with a few guys,” his voice was still a mere whisper, shaky in the dim light, “and I didn’t like it. I always kind of assumed that it was because they were guys. I was attracted to them, yeah, but when it came down to it, I kept chickening out and never wanted to go through with it. It didn’t feel right. But it’s not like that with you.”

Adam was working hard to keep his breath steady, bringing his well-honed breath control forward and trying not to dig his perfectly painted nails into Tommy’s back, not really sure how to react to this situation just yet. Tommy didn’t seem to mind.

“I’m not going to hide anything from you, Adam. I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to go through with this,” his voice had taken a sharper tone, almost angry-sounding, and Adam’s heart sped up just a little, “if I can let my defenses down for you. But I want to try if you do.”

His voice trailed off uncertainly, gaze jumping around the room, deliberately not looking at Adam.

“I want to,” Adam replied, voice unnaturally hoarse, getting mangled somewhere in the uncontrollable clench of his throat. “I love you so much, Tommy, you know I want this.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Tommy said, his voice finally breaking. “You were right about everything and I know I’ve been unfair but I kept telling myself that it was better not to try, because if we give this thing a shot and I can’t go through with it—”

He was silenced by Adam’s lips pressing insistently on his own, tongue sliding in to meet his in a familiar greeting.

When they broke apart, Adam forced Tommy to meet his eyes and said, “It’s worth the chance. I love you, Tommy Joe. If this doesn’t work out, well then at least we tried. But if we don’t try, we’ll never know, and that might kill me.”

Tommy’s smile was stilted and maybe even a little uneasy, but it was an improvement and neither of them was going to complain. Tommy let out a long sigh, the long-held tension finally leaking free as he settled himself back down onto the larger man, body going limp as he molded himself to the body below him, cuddling close.

Adam brought his hand back up to stroke his fingers through blonde hair, leaning down every once in a while to press a small kiss to his head, his other arm wrapped securely around the smaller man, holding him tight. As Tommy drifted off to sleep, his pent-up energy now spent, Adam’s heart fluttered hopefully and a bright, voluminous smile finally broke free, sharing his joy with nobody in particular.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written much of anything other than research papers in well over a year, so I am probably a bit rusty. I've started God-knows-how-many different stories but this little guy was the first to actually be finished so I figured I'd post him.


End file.
